25 Powerful Reasons Why It’s Okay To Be Childless

Hey there! Ever wondered what it’s like to have a life where your mornings aren’t a marathon of diaper changes and cereal spills? Or where your weekends aren’t a whirlwind of kiddie birthday parties and playground duty? Welcome to the childless club – where the only screaming you’ll hear is from your favorite TV show cliffhanger, and the only mess you’ll clean up is the aftermath of your latest kitchen experiment gone wrong.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I adore kids – they’re like mini comedians in training. But for some of us, the idea of parenthood just doesn’t quite fit into our life’s playlist, and you know what? That’s absolutely fine. So, grab a cozy spot, maybe a cup of tea if that’s your vibe, and let’s chat about why being childless is not just okay, but a pretty rad lifestyle choice. Below are accounts I’ve gathered by men and women who have chosen to be childless.

1. “My wife and I just don’t want kids. Nor teenagers. Nor adult children (the mother in law is enough on that front). We think we would be great parents, but have no desire to spawn our own children. If one day we change our minds, we will go the route of adopting or fostering, because goodness knows there’s way too many ‘unwanted’ children that deserve awesome families.” – Jeremy L., Kent, OH.

2. “Initially I was putting it off until the right time, but by age 27 I pretty much knew that being child-free would work out better in the end, both financially and in terms of my life plan. 45 now and still feel like that was the right decision (for me).” – Marian N., Sacramento, CA.

3. “My parents have never asked or brought up the need for myself to get married or have children. A question that I am pretty shocked not to get as it is a very common question in Asian culture. Deep down, I kind of already know why they don’t and haven’t asked. My parents were never truly fit to be parents to begin with and after years of parenting my sister and I, I think they realized that and I felt it too. I kind of pity my parents for having kids. I actually think their lives would overall be happier without my sister and I. As the years go by with me listening to my energy levels each day and my innate reaction to having additional long term responsibilities, I have slowly realized that the parenting life is not for me. Things can always change of course, but the past five years of life would have been terrible with kids. Everything sounds good on paper and there is always that small FOMO looking at my friend’s kid pictures, but what goes on behind the scenes day to day is something that will surely require me to get weekly therapy to sort out my identity and self worth. Questions that I imagine will go through my head are.. am I more than just a parent? Who was I before? Can I still be that person? If I ever had kids and was unhappy with the experience, the unfortunate reminder to myself would be that having kids is a one sided agreement. The kids never asked for me to have them (I know they can’t ask me cause they don’t exist, but hypothetically speaking) and now that they’re here, I just have to deal with whatever kind of person they become with varying levels of dependency. I also can’t be guilt tripping them to make my life easier if the decision to bring them into the world was my partners and I’s.” – Kendrick T., San Diego, CA.

4. “So, I personally haven’t birthed any babies but I married into a family with an 11 and 13 year old… he doesn’t want any more kids and I’m not inclined to have any myself. My reasons… totally selfish.  I like my body the way it is and looking at the amazing women around me who’ve had kids tells me bodies are generally not the same after having a kid. Kids are a time investment, and I love how I get to spend my time now (my stepkids are with us part-time, so I’m saying this knowing having a baby of my own would suck up way more time than I currently spend on nurturing the kiddos). There are things I want to do in life that just don’t jive with babies. Kids are a financial investment, and as awesome as kids are, there are already plenty of kids in the world and I have other plans for my finances.” – Shelby C., Juneau, AK.

5. “I never wanted children. I feel like that’s an easier position to take when you’re single. When I met my now wife, we discussed children and at that point. We were both on the fence at that point, but neither of us was in any hurry. My wife is younger than I am but we were both a little older than many (it seemed at the time) when we got married. 29/36. We were both somewhat comfortable with who we were and just started exploring who we would be together.

I suspected that in a few years that she would feel a need to have kids. She’s kind of great with them. But after we’d been married for like 8 years we were very happy with our lives. Travel when we want, for as long as work would allow. Go out when we want, as late as we want. Pick up hobbies and dig into them as much as we like. We really felt no need to make more people, we had a cat and that was plenty. So we decided to just keep enjoying life.

I’m 50 now and I always felt in the back of my mind that if I didn’t have kids that I would get to a point in life where I would regret that I didn’t have them. But that has not happened. Life is wonderful. We still live in the same small (cheap) house that I had when we were married. If we were willing to restrict our travel spending we could probably be comfortably FI now. Raising kids looks like a lot of work. When we visit our nieces and nephews I’m amazed that our brothers and sisters can do that job so well. I’m pretty confident at this point that we made the right choice for ourselves. Is it selfish? Probably. But both sets of parents have their grand kids, we have nieces and nephews that we can visit, and we have the freedom to plan crazy adventures anytime we please.” – Trevis T., St. Louis, MO.

6. “We have one kid, a teenager. This past year or so has been really really really really hard. (Did I say really enough?) A lot of people tell you to have a baby/child. I got a lot of pressure from the outside. No one tells you how difficult it could be. I don’t have any regrets, but I completely understand why people don’t have children.” – Michelle M., Phoenix, AZ.

7. “Honestly, for us the decision has not had to do with finances, but because we like our lifestyle. Invariably, if we as humans want something bad enough, we work the finances around to get what we want, right? But–when I see my peers going through the parenting things, it just does not appeal to me or my husband in any way. And that’s why we’re not having kids.” -Elizabeth M., Los Angeles, CA.

8. “I want to travel multiple times per year by myself and/or just me and my partner, I like to sleep 8 hours a night, I don’t want the extra stress and anxiety, I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to take care of me as I grow old, I don’t want to be responsible for another human’s life, I don’t want to deal with more puke and poop than I absolutely have to, I want to be able to go camping, boating, hiking, biking when I want to without having to consider bringing a kid and all the things they need, I want to spend time with my partner and concentrate on my relationship with him, I don’t want a baby growing inside of me, stretching my skin and then wrecking my vagina or making me get cut open, I want to spend my money on things I want, I really really don’t like hearing kids cry and/or scream, I don’t want to have to constantly clean up after a kid, I don’t want to lose my identity to being a parent, I don’t feel the need to bring kids into this world and I don’t want to. For me, it’s an easy choice. Having kids does not sound fun at all to me. Watching my partner with my nieces is adorable AF and makes my uterus yearn bc he’s so good with them, but my brain knows better.” -Amanda H., Clinton, IA.

9. “36 and child free by choice. No regrets at all. I love the freedom it grants, the closeness I share with my husband, the ability to take care of my health -Amanda M., Waco, TX.

10. “I didn’t really choose, I wasn’t able to have children, and we really didn’t have thousands to pay for IVF that might or might not work.” Laura B., Austin, TX.

11. “My best friend decided not to because mental illness runs in her family. Above and beyond that, she just plain doesn’t want them and that is a totally valid reason not to have any. She and her husband live wonderful DINK lives and take my kids occasionally to have fun. Spoils them. Returns them. Goes back to her peaceful, DINKy life of travel and wine.” – Jessica R., Providence County, RI.

12. “As a mom since I was 16, and, doula since 2016 – I applaud any and everyone who chooses NOT to do it. I love my kids, but the role of motherhood sucks. It’s thankless work that is relentless. There are moments and parts of it that make it worth it – but – as overpopulated as we are, I think it’s an excellent option. I think the hardest part of not having kids will come quite late in life…but until then you’ll probably have a great time if you know how to live.” – Juliea P., Muskegon, MI.

13. “I always wanted to be a parent, but knew I didn’t want to do it alone. Didn’t get married until 34 and we adopted when I was 40 and husband was 50. The vast majority of my friends don’t have children and are 100% happy with the decision. My kiddo has so many loving “aunts” and “uncles” and even an “aunkle” (non-binary). I guess the moral of my story is: you can always decide later.

Adoption is not easy, not should you think it’s “saving” a kid. But in some circumstances it can work out for everyone. Many people have biological kids later in life as well.

You may find that childlessness is what you want forever. If you want kids in your life sometimes but don’t want your own, you can be a role model for friends’ kids too. Good luck!” – Roxane A., Denver, CO.

14. “My sister, after her divorce, had a mental breakdown and was diagnosed as schizophrenic. She had a 4-year-old child that the father, who already had a new wife, didn’t want so I stepped up to the plate. My sister and her daughter lived with me. Despite the medications, there were periodic lapses and it wouldn’t have been fair to bring others into the chaos.” – Sue W., Ontario, CA. 

15. “I know several people whose children have made them miserable and basically ruined their lives. You can see it in their eyes, but they dare not speak the truth or they’ll be harshly judged by society.” – Barbara H., Berkeley, CA.

16. “I said I never wanted kids when I was three years old and I guess I’ve stuck to it ever since. I was an only child but I spent a lot of time with kids – swimming instructor, camp counselor, tutor, etc. but I knew it wasn’t for me. Had two partners over the years that tried to convince me otherwise, oddly enough both would have made terrible fathers. One even had me pick out hypothetical names for kids to see if I could be convinced. Things happened that made me realize that it really wasn’t something I wanted. I never had any of the maternal urges others talk about. My friends have kids. They’re over the moon about them and I think that’s how it should be. I’d rather regret not having a child than regret having one. Now at almost 37 I’m almost to the point where people will stop telling me ‘I’ll change my mind’….hopefully.” – Natalie T., Welland, ON

17. “It’s easy to decide when you never have met a decent man…” – Ashley S., Downtown Saratoga Springs, NY.

18. “I always wanted children. I wasn’t in the right relationships. I knew they wouldn’t be good fathers, so I made sure I didn’t get pregnant. Now, I’m 38 and finally with the love of my life…. the world is so crazy, my health isn’t always great… I’m letting that dream go.” – Stephanie P., Portland, TN.

19. “I never had children and I’m glad I did not. I owned a business that took a lot of my time. Over the years I have heard all the problems my employees had with their kids. In my opinion, life is too stressful to have more than necessary.” – Leslie L., Muenster, TX.

20. “I didn’t want kids and the older I get the more relieved I am that I don’t have kids. I love my neice and nephews. I just don’t have the energy to raise children and I really like the peace and quiet of a childless home.” – Barbara L., Queens, NY.

21. “My husband and I wanted kids. Then infertility issues happened and we didn’t want to spend the $$ for exploratory sperm searches and IVF and still not get pregnant. We’re foster parents but after doing it for 4 yrs we’ll probably never adopt. We enjoy it but having children is a huge toll, financially, emotionally, etc. We get alot of help from DFCS to financially care for them but if we adopted it would be on us. We enjoy spending our money as we please. We love travel and we’re selfish with each other and our time. When we have kids in the house we’re totally devoted to them and their needs. When they go home or elsewhere its a huge relief for various reasons. We’ll continue to foster bc we truly enjoy it and kids can be fun but we can be parents when we want. If we need a break in between placements we can tell the placement rep no. Our reasons are totally selfish but we’re still putting some good out there.” – Naja B., St. Louis, MO.

22. “In kindergarten I remember my dad asking me how many kids I wanted.I said none and I remember the look of hurt in his eyes. So then I hesitantly said “maybe I’ll adopt”…. at 6 yrs old …Most of my childhood I occasionally repeated those lines when asked but honestly I knew I didn’t want kids. I was trying to make him and other people happy. Like I owed them my reproductive organs or something….My ex of 5 years followed the “you’re young and will change your mind” rhetoric and to please him I genuinely tried to want that. Years later I still don’t. It’s genuinely just not a desire I’ve ever had and got tired of trying to fit into a society that told me I should want it because I have ovaries. I will say not having to financially plan for the raising and adult care of another human life has also been nice.” – Savannah B., Houston, TX.

23. “We never wanted kids, then in my late 30’s got pregnant… lost the baby. We then decided we DID want one, but after a total of 5 miscarriages we decided it wasn’t happening. We also decided to not adopt and went back to living a full life as a couple. Now we’re 52 & 55 and have no regrets about not having children. Life is complete, and we’re the cool aunt and uncle. I know some women (& men) don’t feel complete without children, I’ve never felt that way.” – Jolanta T., Scottsdale, AZ.

24. “So here is something I want to just add. I had planned on not having children because I was in love with my life and being able to travel go do things go to music shows and concerts etc. when I saw my friends with kids nothing about it appealed to me and it still doesn’t. I’m single. Live in a city where I don’t know a soul really but have met some great folks along the way. Very long story short is 14 months ago I took in a homeless woman’s newborn baby (8 days old). I thought it would only be for a weekend or 2 weeks max. That was 14 months ago and here we are, I will likely end up getting complete custody of him. Do I feel like this completed me- no. I felt just as complete before and I had peace in my life and a clean peaceful home (1 bedroom apt that I’m still living in). Do I love the little one more than anything in the world – yes of course. And as I knew previously – the child becomes your entire life. Especially if you are single like me. I used to go to 5 music events a week – usually costing 50-100$ a week. Now if I want to go to just one it will cost me at least 50$ just for someone to stay here while the baby sleeps. In all I hope one day I will see things differently but psychologically this has been very hard on me.” – Jacqueline C., New York, NY.

25. “Never wanted kids and still don’t. I love my nieces to death. I’m too busy in my career and I don’t have patience for children. I think people who want kids should have them and those that don’t shouldn’t be judged. I’m 47.” – Jennifer L., Chicago, IL.

At the end of the day, do what makes you feel comfortable. It is your life… your story. The people who want you to have kids will be OK and it is not your responsibility to fulfill their needs; just yours. They will still love you for who you are no matter what you choose. 

Here’s a great book that makes a thoughtful and passionate case for why parenthood is not the only path in life. Click here to find out what it was like dating in the past.